Wordle

Click it in order to see everything since I dunno how to upload pics to this bloody thing.

RAWR!!

Keiko pointed something out to me recently. First, it was her, then L, then Momo, then Marshall, then Sam, now me. The thing we all have in common? Starting last month, we've all been broken up with. And that's actually a shortened list of the people we know. Though after breaking up with me Brandi got back with Marshall. But it still happened. So far only Yoshi and Elijah have managed to remain in a relationship. Though with this occurrence happening, it might be very possible that they won't last. Who knows.

Anyway. While helping my friend last night, I ended up helping myself by once more getting to the point where I just stopped caring about what happened. It's probably sad I'm getting so used to short relationships and then people hurting me in the end that it doesn't affect me for very long. Or I'm just getting even more insane. The voices agree with the more insane part.

Did I mention I'm schizo? Yea, I'm schizo. And I love the voices, they help so much. And will probably have commentary posted in here. Somehow.

why. . .

You know, even as I type this questioning statement, I continue to think "why bother? why type this out on something that probably no one will ever read?" And I'll be damned if I can come up with an answer. Hell, maybe this blogging crap will become a new way for me to vent about stuff. Might actually contain more then that notebook I used for a journal for a few months. Lotta good that did.

So today, in addition to further dying in gym (I'm just waiting for my lungs to fail and kill me)(I might go on about this some other time), I get home, fall asleep and have a really freaky dream. One that I freaking hated (for reasons that make more sense when the dream is explained, which I'm not going to do here). But afterwards, I wake up and look on xfire and hey, Brandi's on. woo. So I'm talking to her, and after about 15 minutes, she remarks that nerves are literally going to make her sick, but she doesn't wanna say because I wouldn't like it. I say "probably not. Say it anyway", and I was pretty sure I knew what was coming. So she breaks up with me, saying it just didn't feel right. And I freaking called it. From the impending sense of doom I felt from sunday, I knew it was only a matter of when. And so I'm now sitting here trying to not cry (don't need questions asked by the people here), still talking to her. Which she's starting to get sad because it hurt me. No shit it's gonna hurt, I freaking love her. And then she has to leave to do some band stuff at a basketball game. Between then and when she gets back, I go to a few of my good friends and start talking to them to get a bit of help, since though I can hide the tears, can't really stop the emotional destruction. And what fun that is >.<. She gets back on xfire, and I find out she's going back out with her ex. Which hey, I'm cool with, he's awesome. I think the whole week we were going out was really just a break from him, since he was a bit of an ass at one point. But I speak out of turn.

I guess this is kinda what I get for liking people. It probably would have been better if I had just never said anything in the first place and let the emotion die. Spare me 1 week of something akin to happiness, only to have it crushed. Violent. Again. Some day, I might actually find someone who cares enough to last more then a week. But I think there's more chance of me cutting my arm off with my knife, which it's a small knife so that's not likely. Already cut my thumb, which hurt (durrrr). Yay for sharp blades. 20 minutes of sucking down literal mouthfuls of blood followed. And very bland tasting blood. It wouldn't have been so bad if it had actually had a freaking taste. But no, it was dull, and kinda thick.

In a nutshell: gym sucks and is killing me, literally; I think I'm better off remaining single until the day I die, which'll probably be soon at the rate I'm going; and I kinda need to stop playing with my knife, even if it is fun. And I need to get some flavor in my blood.

Afterthought: if this is how this year is gonna go (based off the old crap that the first few weeks of a new year kinda set the standard), put me in cryo and wake me in a year. Or don't. It doesn't matter to me much right now. Wake me 5 minutes before the world's supposed to end so I can watch.

Closing thought: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!! And yay for insomnia. And I just lost the game. FML. Seriously, FML

So yea

I learned something in school today. For once. Amazing, right? No. Painful. Yoga=NOT RELAXING!!!!! Yoga=PAINFUL!!! >.<

I have also finally accepted the realization that Avatar is taking over my mind. It is currently the 2nd most important thing on my mind all the time, the first being my girlfriend. But I would take Brandi and go become a Na'vi. And what's worse is she'd love that as much as I would. Which is to say, a lot. Words can't describe it. That movie was like looking into the paradise I've dreamed of through the years of pain and depression. So what's worse is the fact it's just a movie and I can jump into movies yet. . .T_T

F1R57 P057!!

You lost the game. And you know it. Deep down inside, you got the feeling of epic failure. You cannot deny it. You know what the game is. And you lost it. You will forever lose it and in another half hour you will lose it again. And again and again and again. Because the Emperor commands it. FOR THE EMPEROR!

Also, I must say, F1RST P0ST!!!